A drawing room in Second Empire style. A bronze on the mantelpiece. ✎
GARCIN, ✎ — enters and looks around. ✎ So here we are. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — That’s what it looks like ... 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — That’s what it looks like. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — I … I suppose in the end you get used to the furniture. 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — Depends on the person. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Are all the rooms the same? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — Think about it. We get all kinds, Chinese, Hindus. What are they going to make of a Second Empire couch? 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Well what am I going to make of it? Do you know who I was? Ah! It doesn’t matter. 🔊✎ After all, I always lived in false situations with horrible furniture; I loved it. 🔊✎ A false situation in a Louis-Philippe dining room, how does that sound to you? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — You’ll see. In a second Empire drawing room … that’s not bad either. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Ah! Fine! Fine, fine, fine. 🔊✎ (He looks around) ✎ All the same, I hadn’t expected … I suppose you know what they say up there? 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Oh, you know … 🔊✎ (with an expansive, vague gesture) ✎ about all this. 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — How could you believe that crap? People who’ve never set their foot in the place. Because well, if they had … 🔊✎
GARCIN, ✎ — suddenly serious again. ✎ Where are the pitchforks? 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — The pitchforks, the racks, the instruments of torture. 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — You’re trying to be funny? 🔊✎
GARCIN, ✎ — looking at him. ✎ Ah? Ah good. No, I wasn’t trying to be funny. 🔊✎ (A silence. He walks around.) ✎ No mirrors, no windows of course. Nothing fragile. 🔊✎ (With sudden violence:) ✎ And why have they taken my toothbrush? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — Right. I see your human dignity is coming back sir. It’s very impressive. 🔊✎
GARCIN, ✎ — angrily pounding on the arm of the couch. ✎ If you don’t mind, show a little respect. I am fully aware of my position, but I will not permit you to … 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — There, there. I’m sorry, but what do you expect? Every single client asks the same questions. 🔊✎ First it’s “Where are the pitchforks?” At that moment, I promise you they’re not thinking about their morning routine. 🔊✎ And as soon as that’s been sorted out, hello, it’s the toothbrush. 🔊✎ But, for the love of God, can’t you just think about it for a moment? Because, when you come down to it, why would you brush your teeth? 🔊✎
GARCIN, ✎ — calmer. ✎ You’ve got a point. Why? 🔊✎ (He glances around.) ✎ And why would you look at yourself in a mirror? But on the other hand, the bronze, at the right moment … 🔊✎ I imagine there’ll be times when I feel my eyes are glued to it. Glued, am I right? 🔊✎ Come on, come on, you don’t need to hide anything; I tell you, I’m fully aware of my position. 🔊✎ Would you like me to tell you how it’s going to work? The guy’s suffocating, he’s sinking, he’s drowning, only his eyes are above water, and what does he see? A bronze by Barbedienne. Nightmare! 🔊✎ Never mind, I’m sure you aren’t allowed to answer, I won’t bother you. But remember you’re not springing anything on me, don’t believe it’ll come as a surprise. I’m looking the facts in the face. 🔊✎ (He goes back to pacing.) ✎ So, no toothbrush. No bed either. Because you never sleep, of course? 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — I’d have been prepared to bet. Why would you sleep? You feel that sleepiness creeping up behind your ears. Your eyes start closing, but why sleep? 🔊✎ You stretch out on the couch and pffft … not sleepy anymore. You have to rub your eyes and get up, and then you do it all over again. 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — You’re a natural romantic, sir. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Shut up. I’m not screaming, I’m not groaning, I want to look the facts in the face. 🔊✎ I’m not going to let things sneak up on me from behind before I’ve noticed them. 🔊✎ Romantic? So you don’t even feel the need of sleep? Why sleep if you aren’t sleepy? 🔊✎ Perfect. Wait … wait: why is there even anything wrong with it? Why should there be something wrong with it? No, I’ve got it: it’s life without interruptions. 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — What interruptions? 🔊✎
GARCIN, ✎ — imitating him. ✎ What interruptions? 🔊✎ (Suspicious.) ✎ Turn this way. I knew it! That’s why it’s so unbearably creepy when you look at me. Good grief, they’ve pretty much disappeared. 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — Whatever are you talking about? 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Your eyelids. We move our eyelids up and down. It’s called blinking. 🔊✎ A little black flash, a curtain that falls and then rises again: this moment is separated from the next one. Your eye is moistened, the world disappears. 🔊✎ You’ve no idea how soothing it is. Four thousand little rests per hour. Four thousand tiny escapes. 🔊✎ And when I say four thousand … Well? I’m going to live without eyelids? 🔊✎ Oh, don’t pretend you’re stupid. Without eyelids, without sleep, it’s pretty much the same thing. I’m not going to sleep any more … 🔊✎ But how am I going to be able to stand myself? Try to understand, make an effort. I like to give people a hard time, it’s the way I am … I even like to give myself a hard time. 🔊✎ But I … I can’t give myself a hard time nonstop. Up there, I used to have the nights. 🔊✎ I slept. I was a good sleeper. To make up for it. 🔊✎ I had nice simple dreams … a field, that’s all. I dreamed that I was walking around in a field. 🔊✎ Is it day? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — As you can see, the lights are on. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Good grief. So that’s your day. And outside? 🔊✎
THE VALET, ✎ — shocked. ✎ Outside ? 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Outside! On the other side of that wall? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — There’s a corridor. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — And at the end of the corridor? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — There’s more rooms, and more corridors, and stairwells between them. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — You must have a day off. Where do you go? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — To my uncle. He’s the senior valet on the third floor. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — But of course. Where’s the light switch? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — You don’t have one. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — So you can’t turn off the lighting? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — The management can turn off the power. But I don’t think they’ve ever done that on our floor. We have all the electricity we need. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Fine. So you have to live with your eyes open … 🔊✎
THE VALET, ✎ — ironically. 🔊✎ Live … 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Don’t go all semantic on me. 🔊✎ Eyes open. Forever. It will be eternal day in my eyes. And in my head. 🔊✎ (A pause.) ✎ What would happen if I threw the bronze at the light? Would it go out? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — It’s too heavy. 🔊✎
GARCIN, ✎ — takes hold of the bronze and tries to lift it. ✎ You’re right. It’s too heavy. 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — Well, if there’s nothing else I can do for you, I’ll leave you to it. 🔊✎
GARCIN, ✎ — starts. ✎ You’re going? Goodbye. 🔊✎ (THE VALET is about to go.) ✎ Wait. 🔊✎ (THE VALET turns round.) ✎ Is that a bell-push over there? 🔊✎ (THE VALET nods) ✎ So I can ring when I want and you’ll come? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — In theory, yes. But it’s not very reliable. There’s a loose connection or something. 🔊✎
Garcin goes to the bell-push and tries it. It rings. ✎
THE VALET, ✎ — astonished. ✎ Works fine. 🔊✎ (He also rings.) ✎ But don’t get your hopes up, it won’t last. Well, at your service. 🔊✎
GARCIN, ✎ — makes a gesture to stop him from going. ✎ I … 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — No, nothing. 🔊✎ (He goes to the mantelpiece and picks up the paper-knife.) ✎ What’s this? 🔊✎
THE VALET ✎ — What it looks like: a paper-knife. 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — So there are books here? 🔊✎
GARCIN ✎ — Then what’s it for? 🔊✎ (THE VALET shrugs.) ✎ Fine. Don’t let me keep you. 🔊✎